I'm probably just missing something that I had before...some type of feeling or drive...but am denying what makes me feel driven or whatever. Maybe I'm scared that things (in general) will change or that I'll fail whatever I do. Maybe it's that I'm finally grown up and see the vast world in front of me and it scares the crap out of me that I don't have a plan or known purpose past next may.
I should get close to God again, but I think I'll need to force myself at first...why do I let this keep happening? Where do I belong? Is it even being in/doing just one place/thing, or is it many places/things since I've never really wanted to settle anyway? What am I here for? I feel as of I'm doing no good and my isolation just makes me turn further inward. I don't want to focus on me. I want to focus on others and figure myself out on the way, but I still like the isolation because there's no risk.
This is just a stream of thought and emotion about how confused and lost I feel, which isn't even all that bad...just another form of waiting for something to happen, and who knows what that is? I sure don't. And so I continue alone trying to keep stable and to find something out of this. Whether it's for me or those around me, I don't know. Maybe it's a specific thing, or is all just nothing. Whatever, I'll distract myself and find stuff to do instead...that's what I usually do anyway.